Woody Paige Reacts to Another Denver Loss*

On Sunday, The Denver Post published possibly the worst written basketball column of all time, written by media wunderkind Woody Paige. Paige wasn't available to write about Denver's distressing Sunday night loss in Seattle, so we took the liberty to invoke his unique voice to pen the column he would have written. Enjoy, or at least don't suffer brain damage.

Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho.

The Nuggets meka leka hiney ho'd themselves out of the playoffs.

Two kids. Kevin Durant and Jeff Green. Winners.

Two stars. Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony. Losers.

The Nuggets must be forced to agree with that eloquent statement following this mess.

151 points. It is what Seattle scored. An unforgiveable crime, worthy of the death penalty or worse.

This is on George Karl's head. If George Karl has a head. After that deplorable performance, a flat soda or a bad Alka-Seltzer tablet dropped into a cup of Echinacea tea, George Karl deserves not to have a head.

Beheaded. Executed. The Iron Maiden. Iron Maiden. Slayer. Sepultura. Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho.

Durant showed Denver what could have been. If not for very poor planning, the Nuggets could have missed the postseason last year -- instead of this one -- they could have hit the jackpot.

Bingo. Ching ching. Bling. Bling bling. Bling bling you're dead. Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho.

Instead, these losers will watch the 2008 playoffs on their television sets, wondering what could have been if they had better chemistry, if they tried harder, if they had Kevin Durant. Broken dreams and shattered promises is all this team is.

Sad.*

* We repeat: This is satire. It's hard to tell, I know.