As we await the beginning of the NBA Playoffs on April 19, team mascots explain why their team will win the NBA Championship. First up: Toronto's The Raptor, pictured above getting a few pointers from master biter Marv Albert.
RAWR! Oh hey, what's up? The Raptor here (last name: Raptor, first name: THE). Excited for the playoffs, you know. My boys have struggled a bit of late, but we've got Chris Bosh! Jose Calderon! T.J. Ford!
Sure, we've slipped down to the 7th seed. That's fine; at least we're still above those CHEATERS, the Hawks. Abusing poor T.J., Al Horford -- you big meanie! Paying off the refs to get that W down in Atlanta. Worst. Call. Ever. (Bring it, Stu Jackson. Bring it!) Eighth place is for suckers, and that's all you are Harry!
It looks like my Raptors will be playing against Detroit in the first round, which is great news for Toronto. Can I introduce you to a gangster named Primoz Brezec? Big 'Moz is on a warpath this year! The Pistons will rue the day they traded him. Here's a preview: Charlotte traded 'Moz ... and he had 4 points and 2 rebounds in 4 minutes the next time he played the Bobcats. A point per minute! If he plays 38 minutes a night against Detroit in the 'offs, he'll average 38 points and 17 rebounds a game! Eat that, Sheed. Eat it and like it and floss and don't swim for 30 minutes. RAWR!
After Detroit, it's all Butterball turkey. Leprechauns and magicians cannot touch Dino Power. Yeah, Toronto's ready. We're pumped. And we will win!
Covering our ass: This is, in fact, parody.
