The NBA Is Not Cool With Dwyane Wade's Band-Aids

Posted Feb 28, 2009 12:37AM By Matt Moore (RSS feed)

Filed Under: Heat

OK, sure, flopping is rising back to pre-2007 levels, DUI is still a significant problem, we may be facing a lockout in two years, and the league never really did anything to clear up that whole referees gambling on games scandal -- but rest easy, fans! The league is swiftly moving against the real threats to the game: unauthorized fashionable bandages!

Yes, the long arm of the league delivered a swift blow to that outlaw, Dwyane Wade and his fun yet stylish band-aids he's been wearing since receiving six stitches before the All-Star break. It's not yet known at this time whether the fact that Wade was copying Nelly was a factor in the league's decision, though maybe it should have been.

Wade had been featuring band-aids under his eye with an American flag, the word "Flash" for his nickname (something else Shaquille O'Neal can lay claim to, along with 45 points on Friday and crushing the soul of Steve Nash), and his own name, just in case anyone forgot hearing it from the announcer and the scorecards and the commercials and every NBA media outlet, ever.

Since the league frowns upon individuality of any kind, and especially the kind that mirrors early-00s Midwestern rappers (or the "M-I-crooked-letter-crooked-letter-O-U-R-I, no one can do it better" for the uninitiated/under-eight crowd), they snuffed it out. Wade won't be fined, since, um, that would be insane, but the league also knows Wade won't push their buttons. That's why he gets politely asked to remove them, whereas J.R. Smith would have been fined. It's the silly NBA rules equivalent of saying "Sir" to the cop that pulls you over for doing 56 in a 55.

It's comforting to know that while there may be a concussion problem in the league, the powers that be are watching over the real dangers.

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks goes up for the rebound against the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dirk Nowitzki

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Academy Award-nominated actor Bill Murray, right, watches the clock as he sits with Emmy Award-winning director Spike Lee, left, during the fourth quarter of an NBA basketball game between the Atlanta Hawks and the Cleveland Cavaliers, Sunday, March 1, 2009 at Philips Arena in Atlanta. The Cavaliers won 88-87. (AP Photo/Gregory Smith)

DALLAS - MARCH 1: Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors drives against Brandon Bass #32 of the Dallas Mavericks on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Tim Heitman/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Chris Bosh;Brandon Bass

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Andrea Bargnani #7 of the Toronto Raptors drives against Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Tim Heitman/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Andrea Bargnani;Dirk Nowitzki

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Brandon Bass #32 of the Dallas Mavericks drives against Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Brandon Bass;Chris Bosh

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Brandon Bass #32 of the Dallas Mavericks drives against Andrea Bargnani #7 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Brandon Bass;Andrea Bargnani

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks goes up for the rebound against Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dirk Nowitzki;Chris Bosh

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Jason Kidd #2 of the Dallas Mavericks passes off what would turn out to be his 10,000th assist against Andrea Bargnani #7 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Jason Kidd;Andrea Bargnani

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Dirk Nowitzki #41 of the Dallas Mavericks drives against Chris Bosh #4 of the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Dirk Nowitzki;Chris Bosh

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DALLAS - MARCH 1: Jason Kidd #2 of the Dallas Mavericks goes up for the lay up against the Toronto Raptors on March 1, 2009 at the American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Glenn James/NBAE via Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Jason Kidd

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

2-28-2009 @ 2:45AM

CDS said...

Country Grammar is probably the best rap album of all-time, maybe behind Marshall Mathers LP.

Solid article, son

2-28-2009 @ 5:11AM

obamaizadope said...

sure, d wade is a very good player, but let's face it, he's not missing any mensa meetings..

2-28-2009 @ 11:29AM

horatiowrd said...

you insult a mans intelligence because he shows creativity? wtf?

Then we look at your name and all becomes clear.

2-28-2009 @ 10:58AM

liljtk98 said...

nice pic

2-28-2009 @ 12:58PM

sevinm said...

I guess it's not enough to make millions of dollars playing a game, but these guys feel the need to make their bodies billboards. This is why so many of us can't stand the NBA. It is supposed to be a team game, but they try SO hard to make themselves noticed. That is why these guys, no matter HOW GREAT they are on the court, will never be remembered as being in the same league as Jordan, Bird, Jabbar, Robertson, Cowens, etc.
Self promotion does not endear them to me, nor does it endear them to a vast majority of the public.

2-28-2009 @ 10:34PM

CrowN ALmightY said...

Are you kidding me?! I guess how much money you make plays a huge role in freedom of expression, and how you individuate yourself. I'm guessing you were one of those kids that was pissed if your team wasn't wearing the same pair of Nike's as you on a basketball team huh.

What a stupid comment.

3-02-2009 @ 9:06PM

tbcpht78 said...

Jordan was a menace too, it's just that they embraced him. It's all about favoritism. They hated Jordans gold chain and long shorts, then they let guys do it. It's all bullshit, don't follow what the league says. I've been following the league for a long time, trust me, don't follow what they say.

3-01-2009 @ 1:21PM

CrowN,

Freedom of expression? These aren't artists we are talking about. Bandaids? Talcum Powder? Why not save all the freedom-of-expression stuff for off the court? And dude, we didn't buy Nike's when we played. We were given ONE pair of Chuck Taylor's -- yes, ALL the same. Let's see how stupid of a comment it was. Let's see how many people respond positively to my comment vs your "oh, just let them have fun" comment. RIP Norm Van Lier...he knew how to get it done without the garnish.