I'm ordinarily not that interested in the private lives of professional athletes, but when they intersect with the courtroom, they're hard to ignore. TMZ passes along the news that an Atlanta woman named Alexis Miller has been granted a restraining order against Shaquille O'Neal after Shaq allegedly harassed and threatened Miller. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (via Deadspin) corroborates the story:

Judge Richard Hicks granted Alexis Miller's request on Thursday after reviewing her claims that the NBA star threatened her with bodily harm and made harassing phone calls in which he would breathe heavily into the phone before hanging up.

Miller, a 23-year-old independent music artist professionally known as Maryjane, also alleged that O'Neal, 36, threatened to ruin her career by having her blackballed after Miller ended an intimate relationship between the two last month.

Shaq breathing heavy? Go figure. TMZ has the text of some of the threatening emails that Shaq allegedly sent; I'm not going to re-print them here, but if it's really him, he looks really, really bad (and not just because of the atrocious grammar).

The timing of the alleged break-up is interesting, especially in the context of Shaq's previously estranged wife announcing earlier this week that the couple had reconciled and planned on canceling their divorce. Maybe there was a reason Shaq wanted to get back together? It'll be interesting to see Shaq's response -- now that a judge is involved, he may not want to say something he can't repeat if put under oath.

You may recall that Brett mentioned the possibility of Shaquille O'Neal not getting divorced, based on some photo action of the Daddy and the soon to be Mrs. Ex-Shaq lounging on a pool. So the possibility that the Big Aristotle was inaccurate in consistently reminding us that he would be divorced certainly loomed.

And now it would appear he and his lady friend are in fact going to stick out their troubles, as the AP (via Ballhype) notes that Shaunie O'Neal says they're calling the split off.

During an interview about the launch of her new video-sharing Web site, Shaunie O'Neal told The Associated Press that the couple plans to stop divorce proceedings soon.

"Neither one of us could probably answer why we were getting one in the first place," Shaunie O'Neal said.

Shaquille O'Neal filed for divorce in Miami-Dade Circuit Court in September 2007, after nearly five years of marriage.

"Things have been going so great, that someone actually had to remind us that 'Hey, you do remember those papers are still there.' Literally, it was days ago," Shaunie O'Neal said. "So, we've agreed that before we leave Florida in a few days we'll make sure that that's gone away."

Not to be skeptical at all here, but isn't it weird that only Mrs. O'Neal is mentioning this? And that Shaq hasn't actually come out and mentioned it himself? Perhaps he feels too awkward about the fact that he's the one who filed the divorce papers. Or maybe he doesn't feel the need to call a press conference to announce that he and his wife are sticking together.

Regardless, yay. Color me happy for the Diesels.

I didn't watch the ESPYs, but I hear it was a rockin' good time. I have a feeling it might have been a bit better though if they would have let Dwight Howard host the thing. After seeing this video, I think you'll be hard pressed to disagree.


Not a bad Michael Jackson there, but the thing I found most entertaining was Howard's cross-eyed impression of Shaquille O'Neal. Considering the fact that Howard shamelessly ripped the whole Superman thing from Shaq, I'm sure we can expect this little jab to draw some sort of retaliation from the famously egotistical superstar at some point in the very near future.

So, I was totally kidding about Tyronn Lue understand his worth and probably signing with the Heat. Gotcha!

The next day, Lue skipped town, leaving Miami without undergoing the physical for the Heat. He's now reported to be in talks with the Phoenix Suns and Boston Celtics. Which is kind of an upgrade, and sticks more with the "ring-chaser" reputation he's been building.

According to the Arizona Republic, Lue thinks Phoenix is his landing spot, saying "I think we're going to get it done in Phoenix." Lue's been courted by friend Shaquille O'Neal, but is also getting significant interest from the Boston Celtics and good friend Kevin Garnett.

Lue's obviously hunting for the best situation that can bring him a championship at age 31. Apparently he sees that as Phoenix. Glad someone still does.

Things can apparently change very quickly on the relationship reconciliation front. It was only a few short weeks ago that Shaq reminded us about his pending divorce, and that it was at least in some way the fault of former teammate Kobe Bryant. But this photo (via TMZ, obviously) taken of the couple over the 4th of July holiday would suggest that the proceedings may be on hold for a while. Which is excellent news, especially where the family's completely ridiculous finances are concerned.

[via TMZ.com]

Have you always wanted to let someone know how you really feel about the Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant fued? But never had the proper way to verbalize it?

Well, now you do! Introducing, for a limited time -- and a special price!! -- the ringtone version of "Taste My A$$", straight from FunMobility.com (via Lion in Oil).

Since the rap was posted online, it has become an international phenomenon and has been viewed nearly half a million times on YouTube in less than a week. Now you can bring the nasty rivalry to your phone by visiting FunMo.com. FunMobility has the original rap as a free download and created a premium ringtone mashup inspired by the original Shaq rap, as well as a JibJab-style animation with the mashup soundtrack.

Users can now take the rivalry to the street and support their favorite basketball superstar feud by downloading the rap as their ringtone. FunMobility offers this unique ringtone and countless more to users for no cost.

That's right! No more embarrassing office moments! Avoid those awkward times when your phone rings in the board meeting and it doesn't blare out "Tell me how my a$$ tastes!!!" Avoid future disasters like this by making your phone scream vulgar semi-obscenities every time somebody dials your number!

*Shaq's a$$ sold separately. FanHouse not responsible for pending apocalypse.

The upside of Shaq's ridiculous rap-job towards Kobe Bryant is that, well, it was funny. And we got to get all abuzz about it for a week or so. But the newest YouTube news (if you can call it that), should bring out the parental anger from generic America. Because, as you will see below, won't someone think of the children!!!



This clip, honestly, is kind of disturbing. I know that the Shaq rap was not intended as serious (I don't think it was anyway) and I realize that many, many more vehicles of the musical medium are far more offensive and dangerous to children. But do we really want to deal with the new outbreak of children in school and home telling their teachers and parents to taste their a$$es? I say no. (Although, admittedly, there certainly is a time and place to use the phrase.)

Most of us thought that the video which showed Shaq on stage at a New York city club ripping Kobe Bryant with a freestyle rap was pretty funny stuff, but Maricopa County (Arizona) Sheriff Joe Arpalo wasn't laughing. Shaq received a "special deputy" badge from the Sheriff shortly after his move to the desert, but after hearing Shaq use some choice words in that rap video, the Sheriff wants his badges back:

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said the Phoenix Suns center's use of a racially derogatory word and other foul language left him no choice. Arpaio made Shaq a special deputy in January and promoted him to colonel of his largely ceremonial posse earlier this month.

"I want his two badges back," Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they're fired. I don't condone this type of racial conduct. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think that either conduct should be out there publicly, even if media wasn't there."

I have no idea what a "special deputy" does exactly (mall security?), and I've long been a believer that Shaq's pretending-to-be-a-police-officer shtick was a complete waste of everyone's time. So thankfully, it's not like the community is actually going to suffer from Shaq's phony badges being revoked, because he likely wasn't doing anything with his "special deputy" status anyway.

I do think it's fascinating though, after all these years of Shaq popping off on various topics and getting a free pass from the media due to the entertainment value of his quotes, that there finally are some personal consequences for his actions. Sure, the title might not mean much, and he might be able to convince the masses that he was just clowning around. But it has to be at least a little bit humbling for Shaq to know that the county he now calls his basketball home wants nothing to do with him, largely because they're embarrassed by his most recent comments.

NBA Essentials ranks our six favorite stories of the day.

1. The Sporting Blog: Shoals' excellent response to Shaq and his, um, question of taste.

2. Part Mule: And photos of the posterior that Kobe is more likely to actually be, uh, linked to.

3. Dave D'Alessandro, The Star Ledger: Is drafting European players a thing of the past?

4. The Pyramid of Excess: Sure you've seen mock drafts. But of the third round?

5. Boston.com's Celtics Blog: Kendrick Perkins is hocking memorabilia on QVC. Already?

6. Chicago Sun-Times: Rose or Beasley? Vinny Del Negro's not talking.

So, we all thought that the ol' Kobe-Shaq feud was over, and all fences had been mended, right? Well, during a freestyle rap session at a New York club (via TMZ), Shaq ripped right through those fences, repeatedly taunting Kobe for not being able to win a championship without him, and even (at about the 1:15 mark) going so far as to blame Kobe for his recent divorce.


TMZ Post

That's a pretty funny clip, and Shaq getting the crowd to chant "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" was priceless. But is Shaq really so jealous of Kobe's solo success this season that it's the only thing on his mind? Whatever the reason for Shaq unleashing this verbal beat-down, one thing's for certain: those four games between the Lakers and the Suns next season just got a whole lot more interesting.

UPDATE: Shaq backtracked a little when he was asked asked about this by Stephen A. Smith. His comments, after the jump.