NBA Essentials ranks our six favorite stories of the day.

1. Hornets Hype. A rather poignant explanation of why impersonal rumors of relocation pain Hornets fans so much.

2. Ball Don't Lie. We're all winners in BDL's "Eddy Curry as a gymnast" Photoshop contest.

3. Free Darko. LeBron + Wade (or Amare or Bosh) in Cleveland 2010, anybody?

4. Posting and Toasting. "The Z-Bo Sweepstakes." Yes, the world is in a'shambles.

5. MOUTHPIECE Sports. Craig Sager is America's storyteller. This week: Ted Turner and Jane Fonda get it on.

6. SonicsCentral, via TrueHoop. The blogger who raised awareness of the shady dealing of the Sonics ownership group gets subpoenaed in Clay Bennett's case against Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz.

If you're making $21 million dollars in the coming fiscal year, here is my recommendation: get an accountant. This works well because not only do you have a lot of money, but you can easily afford one! Stephon Marbury would do well to heed this advice, considering there's a rumor that he just dropped $45 million on a brand new private jet. (P-Diddy quotes included for hilarity only.)

MAYBE Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury should have consulted Sean Combs before he bought himself a private jet. Marbury - in the last year of his Knicks contract, which will pay him another $21 million - is said to have plunked down about $45 million for the aircraft. But Combs, who already owns a jet, isn't using it because fuel costs have skyrocketed. The hip-hop mogul explains on Diddy Blog No. 12, which he videotaped in an airline terminal before boarding a commercial flight, "Gas prices are too mother[bleep]ing high," Combs says, wearing an off-kilter Yankees cap. "I've been flying back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career. If I fly back and forth twice a month, that's like $250,000 round trip. [Bleep] that! I'm back on American Airlines now . . . and I'm in coach!"

I'd find this whole thing believable where it not for the part about P-Diddy claiming to fly coach. Wait ... what's that? Diddy's blog is a video??? Let's go to the tape (NSFW if your loser co-workers are opposed to F-bombs):

Is Zach Randolph suddenly a wanted man? After the Cavs reportedly showed interest in the big man last week, Ronald Tillery of the Commercial Appeal (via Knicks Fix) reports the Grizzlies have been talking about acquiring the pudgy power forward, as well.

Who would Memphis give up? Tillery says that Darko Milicic is available, and considering Darko's contract ($7 million this year, $7.5 million next) expires just in time for the summer of 2010, you have to figure the Knicks would be interested.

Even though Darko won't even make half as much as Randolph ($14.66 million) this year, an even one-for-one trade is actually be possible given how much room Memphis has under the salary cap. Given how frugal the Grizzlies tend to operate, though, you have to imagine they'd insist on New York taking at least one other bad contract -- Marko Jaric ( $6.6 million), perhaps?

Randolph is certainly a solid low-post scoring presence, but he also has an outsized personality that might not be the best influence in a young locker room. (And with Antoine Walker already on the roster, the role of "overpaid and perpetually grumpy veteran" is already filled.)

I could see Randolph falling into line on a veteran squad with an established pecking order where his production could put a contending team over the top (Cleveland, anyone?), but putting him on yet another losing team seems like a recipe for disaster.

NBA Essentials ranks our six favorite stories of the day.

1. A Stern Warning. Eddy Curry grew up with dreams of being a gymnast. Let your imagination run wild. (Bela Karolyi got nothing on Coach Starbury.)

2. The Sporting Blog. You can take the players [Team USA, in this case] out of the NBA, but you can't take the NBA out of the players. Nor should you want to.

3. New York Times. One nation, under LeBron. [Three notes: 1) Yes, I've already used that line once this week. I'm a bum. 2) Obama should name LeBron as his running mate -- no, LeBron should name himself as Obama's running mate. 3) The photo used on the Times website has been at least 1,200 places this week. You done good, photographer Dusan Vranic.]

4. Clips Nation. Shaun Livingston remains mysterious.

5. D.C. Sports Bog. John Amaechi clears up the Kobe thing. Conversations through bus windows can get awkward, I admit.

6. Wall Street Journal. This isn't really basketball, but it's too beautiful to pass up: Second-graders who love John Coltrane's Interstellar Space raise money to turn Trane's dilapidated Dix Hills house into a learning center/museum. There is light left in this world.

NBA Essentials ranks our six favorite stories of the day.

1. Free Darko. Joey Litman of Straight Bangin' offers a guest sermon on NBA citizenship and allegiance to the league.

2. Lakers Blog. Kobe thinks "Redeem Team" is a "cheesy" moniker. Communist! (A communist! who makes a salient point, at least.)

3. And One. Looking at a 1893 New York Times intro to "basket ball."

4. Clips Nation. It's hard to keep up with the Clippers front office. (That's actually a good thing this summer.)

5. L.A. Times, via FD. Team USA gets a gold medal in smiling, too.

6. Deadspin. Elect Isiah! No one will ever deserve it more.

Mike D'Antoni's vaunted offense favors fast, athletic big men who can get up and down the court in a hurry and play above the rim (see: Marion, Shawn; and Stoudemire, Amare) -- in other words, players that are the exact opposite of Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry.

Mike Brown's (lamentable) offense is, well, barely existent. Despite featuring the most exciting player in the game (see: James, LeBron), the Cavs play at an absolute snail's pace, and last year failed to score as many points as they gave up over the course of the entire season.

Do you see a potential match? The internet does: one day after Bob Finnan of the Morning Journal cryptically suggested that "the Cavs could be talking to the Knicks about a big man," Bill Ingram of HOOPSWORLD and Alan Hahn of Newsday followed up by brainstorming trades sending Randolph to the Cavs.

Some recent chatter about Cablevision breaking off a few of its properties -- Madison Square Garden, for one -- has led some to the conclusion James Dolan will be losing control of the Knickerbockers. Newsday's Ken Berger intimates Knicks fans will have no such luck.

"I would say the most likely buyer is probably some group headed by Jim Dolan, personally, because Jim seems to get a lot of pleasure out of those particular assets," an expert in the field of sports and media transactions told Newsday.

"Those assets are unique, and if you enjoy owning and running them, you're not going to get another shot at it. So I'm not sure why you would sell."

If anything, Dolan will have more control over the Knicks, as he currently (in theory) answers to the Cablevision board. Of course, Dolan's chief problem -- one Isiah Lord Thomas -- has been exiled to parts unknown. There probably isn't terrible much damage Dolan can do with Donnie Walsh and Mike D'Antoni playing interference these days.

Can you imagine if the Knicks did hit the open market, though? Back in 2002, the Celtics sold for $360 million. I imagine the Knicks, with the market power of New York, a world-famous gym, and the extraordinary services of Wilson Chandler, would break $600 million ... which, coincidentally, is the Knicks' payroll after luxury tax this season.

A year ago, Stephon Marbury gave everyone the giggles by insisting he'd someday retire from the NBA and play basketball in Italy. So oddball was the assertion it became a major thread in our world-famous Chronicles of Starbury. But now, with Starbury's enabler gone and the end of the road fast approaching, Steph's overseas doesn't seem so unlikely.

And in fact, when he talks to the New York Post's Marc Berman about the idea, I sort-of look forward to seeing him in a red jersey with a massive Armani logo across the front.

"Why wouldn't you want to play basketball, still make money and live in a place that's beautiful," Marbury added. "Milan is definitely where I want to play basketball at. That's where I fell in love with Italy."

The only sad part about Starbury's aims for Armani Milan this season would be that said team (the spot Danilo Gallinari where starred last year) isn't in the same group as Brandon Jennings' Lottomatica Roma or Ricky Rubio's DKV Juventut. Those battles would be too much fun.

By the way, Kobe Bryant is a part owner of Armani Milan, and that's been the spot rumored to be a potential owner-player situation for #24. ... Maybe Steph should look elsewhere in Italy.

"Things fall apart, the center cannot hold." -Yeats.

You know things have to change with the Knicks. New GM. New coach. New regime. There are going to be changes and they're going to come sooner, rather than later. If reports coming out of New York prove true today, though, it may be players other than those you suspect that are finding new zipcodes.

Instead of Stephon Marbury or the highly prized David Lee, Newsday reports that Renaldo Balkman is on the table, with an offer being discussed with Denver for Bobby Jones and Taurean Green.

The deal makes sense on both sides. The Nuggets need an upgrade for a backup 3 and some size in the frontcourt, Balkman makes little to no sense in Mike D'Antoni's system, and New York wants small contracts for movable assets. It's going to be these kinds of moves that allow the Knicks to set up the deals they really want to make, if you know what I'm saying. If you don't know what I'm saying, go to Google and type in "Zach Randolph."

Update: The trade's gone through! Get your Taurean Green jerseys while they last, Knicks fans! Somewhere, Marcel Mutoni is crying tears of joy.

As unintentionally hilarious as it was to see Nate Robinson's summer league jersey retired (ie, nailed to a concrete wall) on Sunday, it was even more awkward to watch a couple of maintenance guys immediately take it down within minutes of the last game's final buzzer. Kudos to Frank Madden of Brew Hoop for the steady hand taking the video. I was standing next to him, but as you can hear in the final five seconds, I was too dumbstruck to do anything but crack wise.